Thank heaven for little......lizards??

"Hey, that 'kiss it, and it will turn into a prince!' didn't work with the frog, and I'm not falling for it again."

"Look, I'm really sorry I snuck into your yard, Mr. Johnson. Now call off your watch-lizard, please!"

Karma dealt cruelly, but fairly with Bill Clinton's next life.

"Thanks, Dad, it's really cool; but I'd just like my Teddy Ruxpin back, if you don't mind."

The weird thing is, NAMBLA has issued a statement about this sort of thing. They're against it!

"Thanks 'Uncle' Ted, I appreciate the new pet and the fact that it's amphibious, but I still don't want a ride home to Martha's Vineyard!"

Life lesson for girls, number 39: Never put off getting a prom date too long.

"I'm on to you, buddy; I'm too young to get into Playboy, and I'm sure this isn't Hugh Hefner. Pretty sure, anyway."