The Name is Bond, James Bond.....
News reports have given the impression the new James Bond, actor Daniel Craig, may come off as less, well, manly than his predecessors; he doesn't like guns,
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can't drive a manual transmission car,
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can't hold his own in stunt fights,
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and is scared of boats:
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Good news is, this has already been taken into account in the new movie, You Only Live as a Golden Pussy Twice:
"Well, Q, what have for me today?”
“Pay attention for once, OO7! Now here we have something that, frankly, I don’t believe in at all, but you’ve insisted, so here it is; behold the MI-6 Agents’ Neoprene Bipurpose Agents Grip, or MANBAG for short. Now, just raise this flap; you’ll find storage space for your Evian water bottle. Here, a thermoplastic holder for your yogurt container. Next to that, a upside-down friction holster for your comb, along with 2 spare magazines of Tic-Tac. I have cleverly included an inconspicuous spray dispenser for toning mineral water spray here in the handle, for when you get sweated up. This locator screen will track down the nearest Starbuck’s or smoothie emporium no matter where you may find yourself. And, for emergencies, pull this tab, and a 4’ x 5’ Kevlar shield pops out for you to hide behind; note that it is stenciled; “DON’T HIT ME, I’M A PACIFIST HAEMOPHILIAC!” I think that does it.”
"Great work, Q! May I shake your hand?"
"I rather you didn't, 007; nancyboys like you make me sick. In fact, you're the reason I'm retiring, changing my name to Bruce, and moving to the Australian outback, where men are men, and sheep are nervous. Lord knows what the Empire is coming to."
"Q, this is so unfair, that I.....I......sniff.."
"Oh, for God's sake stop crying, Double-Oh-Snivel! Press the Fendi logo, there, and Kleenex will pop out. Wipe your spotty gob! Now, I'm off. And I certainly hope God saves the Queen, because you obviously aren't up to the job. Good bye!"
Link
can't drive a manual transmission car,
Link,
can't hold his own in stunt fights,
Link
and is scared of boats:
Link
Good news is, this has already been taken into account in the new movie, You Only Live as a Golden Pussy Twice:
"Well, Q, what have for me today?”
“Pay attention for once, OO7! Now here we have something that, frankly, I don’t believe in at all, but you’ve insisted, so here it is; behold the MI-6 Agents’ Neoprene Bipurpose Agents Grip, or MANBAG for short. Now, just raise this flap; you’ll find storage space for your Evian water bottle. Here, a thermoplastic holder for your yogurt container. Next to that, a upside-down friction holster for your comb, along with 2 spare magazines of Tic-Tac. I have cleverly included an inconspicuous spray dispenser for toning mineral water spray here in the handle, for when you get sweated up. This locator screen will track down the nearest Starbuck’s or smoothie emporium no matter where you may find yourself. And, for emergencies, pull this tab, and a 4’ x 5’ Kevlar shield pops out for you to hide behind; note that it is stenciled; “DON’T HIT ME, I’M A PACIFIST HAEMOPHILIAC!” I think that does it.”
"Great work, Q! May I shake your hand?"
"I rather you didn't, 007; nancyboys like you make me sick. In fact, you're the reason I'm retiring, changing my name to Bruce, and moving to the Australian outback, where men are men, and sheep are nervous. Lord knows what the Empire is coming to."
"Q, this is so unfair, that I.....I......sniff.."
"Oh, for God's sake stop crying, Double-Oh-Snivel! Press the Fendi logo, there, and Kleenex will pop out. Wipe your spotty gob! Now, I'm off. And I certainly hope God saves the Queen, because you obviously aren't up to the job. Good bye!"
posted by Sort-of-Mad Max at 1:49 PM
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