Scientific breakthrough!
Man, the final frontier is breached:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Today saw the announcement of a breakthrough in science's understanding of the workings of the human mind. Distinquished researcher Dr. Antony Baggiadonatza of Portland University announced that he has perfected a method of measuring and quantifying stupidity. "It turns out that, with the proper equipment, stupidity can be quantified in a method using equipment similar to the bomb calorimeter. Exposing a subject to a random news report and feeding his/her reaction to the dimbulb-hygrometer will allow us to read out the amount of stupidity in Gordons, which I named after that poor kid in town who crippled himself using a napkin dispenser at the local McDonald's."
Dr. Baggiadonatza gave an example: "Say that n equals the unlikelyhood of the situation in the experimentally used news article, and x equals the vehemence with which the test subject argues for its truth, then xn·Ê, where Ê equals the square mass of intergalactic pumice, allows you to read the answer in Gordons. Some scores acquired through our experiments, for instance, a belief in the possibility of Howard Dean as President in 2004 resulted in a G factor of 258, whereas a belief in anything Jimmy Carter says will peg our current Gordo-meter at 25,000, at which point the little green fuse blows. We are currently working on a Gordo-meter that will allow us to quantify still higher levels of stupidity, and hope to have it finished in time for us to take it down to U of C for Berkeley Days".
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Today saw the announcement of a breakthrough in science's understanding of the workings of the human mind. Distinquished researcher Dr. Antony Baggiadonatza of Portland University announced that he has perfected a method of measuring and quantifying stupidity. "It turns out that, with the proper equipment, stupidity can be quantified in a method using equipment similar to the bomb calorimeter. Exposing a subject to a random news report and feeding his/her reaction to the dimbulb-hygrometer will allow us to read out the amount of stupidity in Gordons, which I named after that poor kid in town who crippled himself using a napkin dispenser at the local McDonald's."
Dr. Baggiadonatza gave an example: "Say that n equals the unlikelyhood of the situation in the experimentally used news article, and x equals the vehemence with which the test subject argues for its truth, then xn·Ê, where Ê equals the square mass of intergalactic pumice, allows you to read the answer in Gordons. Some scores acquired through our experiments, for instance, a belief in the possibility of Howard Dean as President in 2004 resulted in a G factor of 258, whereas a belief in anything Jimmy Carter says will peg our current Gordo-meter at 25,000, at which point the little green fuse blows. We are currently working on a Gordo-meter that will allow us to quantify still higher levels of stupidity, and hope to have it finished in time for us to take it down to U of C for Berkeley Days".
posted by Sort-of-Mad Max at 9:54 PM
3 Comments:
Where can I get one?
FYI:
http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Testicular_20shaving_20cage
anonymous:
I thank you, and Big Ed and the Twins thank you. The four quart mixing bowl was tough on the shaver blades.
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