My eyes! MY EYES!

"Andy Sullivan and I are going hiking! Which way to Brokeback Mountain?"

"Oh, yessth, Inspector Callahan, I feel very lucky!"

That's not just junk in the trunk, that's the whole landfill.

"The good news is, Miss Bach, we've found those original "Daisy Dukes" someone stole from your home. The bad news is, trust me, you don't want them back anymore."

Welcome! I'm your tour guide for 'Glory Holes of Olde San Francisco!' Please make sure to keep up with the group, or you'll get behind! Get it? Get behind! Oh, I just kill myself laughing!"

"Laugh all you want to, but this is my first visit to Chicago, and I'd never eaten a bag of White Castles before. And these jeans used to have a 33 inch inseam."

I see Paris, I see France, I'm putting a slug through my head so I don't see your underpants!

"In other news from Spain: General Francisco Franco is not only still dead, but he's happy he died before things like this appeared."