Words just fail me.....

-(lady in blue bikini thinks):
'I hate a lot of things about this job, but these damned team-building 'trust exercises' are at the top of my list!'

-"Come on, Squeaky, come to the light! Come out, now! I have some nice new cedar shavings in your cage! Squeeeeeaky! Got a carrot here for you! Dammit, Liz, next time use your own damn gerbil!"

-"Hey, this is a real Rolex! What bar did you find this guy in again?"

-"What did I have for lunch? White Castles and onion rings, why?"

-"Well, I seem to have fallen for a variation of the old 'Can you help me find my lost contact lens' trick, haven't I?"

-"Geez, and I always thought Butch Wax was for wood floors!"

-"No, this is the wrong shade of touch-up paint. Don't move, I'll just run over to Pep Boys again..."

-"Oh, I see the problem; you're supposed to peel the damn eggs first!"

-"Look, I'm sorry, but.. Well, quit giggling, and you could hear me! I SAID IT WILL HAVE TO COME OUT! I CAN'T JUST CHANGE THE BATTERIES!"

-"Honest, Ed, you really can't see them. I'm afraid if I dab any more styptic pencil on them, they might never drop back out!"

-Jobs Americans Won't Do, Example #2343: Starfish Polisher.

-"Yes, you're right, it was going very well. Yes, it did sound just like Led Zeppelin's version. But may I suggest that the next time you fart Stairway To Heaven on American Idol , you borrow someone else's wireless mike? I'm beginning to feel that I really don't want it back now...."


-"Yes, now I can see it! A little teeenie road sign tattoo: 'No Entry'. Liz, I gotta hand it to you, you are the lesbian's lesbian."

-"No, I'm sorry, I really don't hear the seashore. I am thinking of Long John Silver's for lunch, though...."

"Yeth, the kegel exchersithes have reawwy paid ovv! Now pleath lea go ov my tongue!"

"Ha, ha, I get it, '#6: polish the back door', real funny. Look, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll just check out one of the other sororities on this campus......."