Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Was that the popcorn popper or an AK-47?

Too bad "Paradise Now" is not playing to boffo box office in the West Bank. Maybe it's not being merchandised correctly. In the days of yore, movie theaters used to hand out gifts to people attending movies (plates, glassware, etc.) The gag was, to collect the whole set, you had to go to the movies every week. So what would a Palestinian movie theater give out to promote Brokeback Mountain, or, as Jim Treacher styled it; Bitch Cassidy and the Bundance Kid?:

-Saturday Night! At the Nablus Expl-Odeon!
Oh people, harken to me! This is the greatest offer ever made to ye the faithful! This Saturday, the Nablus Expl-Odeon will give to Allah's Faithful One Free Rock to every male ticket holder! And not any ordinary stone! This will be a HardRockCo SuperStoner XLT, suitable for flinging at any stray dog, unchaste woman, or unholy person that may cross your path! And, my brothers, after viewing the decandant slush that is this Brokeback Mountain, you will be in a flinging mood!

That's Saturday Night ONLY! The Nablus Expl-Odeon! Always a comfortable and halal 95 degrees inside for your viewing comfort! Hummus-flavored popcorn! No Jews! Revel in our state-of-the-art one-track sound system! Easy to find, right next door to the ruins of Crazy Achmed's Big House of Belts! YOU MUST COME!