Bad News From Home

"Next year, your damn 'Polish sausage, Chili and Baked-Bean Cookoff' is being held at somebody else's house!"

This is why the city closed "Effie F-Cup's Topless Drive-Thru Muffin and Coffee Shack". Especially since it was the sixth accident there this week.

(beep)"Thank you for calling Pride o' Osama industries, makers of 'Little Jihadi Toy Bomb Belts'. We are receiving higher call volume than usual due to our latest shipment being apparantly even more 'real life' than normal. Please stay on the line. (beep)"

"Sorry, but I'm definitely having little Schuyler's Ritalin dose increased. I don't care how well he's doing in Pee-Wee football!"

Brandon thought the idea about the skateboard, the JATO bottles, and the on-ramp to I-452 was a sure-fire can't-fail stunt. Brandon thought wrong. But at least his parents played the video at his funeral.

I'd say this shows what it takes to flunk your driver's test in Massachussetts. Maybe.