That's not funny! That's sick!

"And I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, too, toots!"

Bill Clinton: The Early Years.

"Timmy, don't you ever listen to any other records? Just 'wakachicka-wakachicka' all day long!"

Why the state of California shut down Caballero Video's employee day-care program.

The deep-seated feeling of revulsion young Hillary Rodham felt for this would have grave consequences later in life............

Timmy was stunned when the Principal shut down the 3rd grade talent show right in the middle of his act. What was he going to do with this bowl of peeled hard-boiled eggs???

Man, a lot happened after this years' talent show; Timmy was sent to military school, Susie's in therapy, and their teacher Mr. Frank left the Massachusetts school system and went into politics!

Mr. Hibbin suddenly realized hiding his porno tapes in Disney sleeves wasn't such a hot idea.........

"C'mon, keep practicing! Mom told her friend she got a mink coat this way! Don't you want a mink coat??"

Looks like the folks at 'Lil' Darlin's Kiddie Portrait Center' should have checked their new photographer's references a little more carefully!

"Aw, gee, Mom, playing Doctor was getting stale! Playas 'n Hos is a lot more fun! Now scram afore I bust a cap in yo ass!"

Timmy's mom was irritated at the bananas going to waste, but she really went berserk at all the Cool-Whip used for the money shot!

Thank heaven for little......lizards??

"Hey, that 'kiss it, and it will turn into a prince!' didn't work with the frog, and I'm not falling for it again."

"Look, I'm really sorry I snuck into your yard, Mr. Johnson. Now call off your watch-lizard, please!"

Karma dealt cruelly, but fairly with Bill Clinton's next life.

"Thanks, Dad, it's really cool; but I'd just like my Teddy Ruxpin back, if you don't mind."

The weird thing is, NAMBLA has issued a statement about this sort of thing. They're against it!

"Thanks 'Uncle' Ted, I appreciate the new pet and the fact that it's amphibious, but I still don't want a ride home to Martha's Vineyard!"

Life lesson for girls, number 39: Never put off getting a prom date too long.

"I'm on to you, buddy; I'm too young to get into Playboy, and I'm sure this isn't Hugh Hefner. Pretty sure, anyway."

Right Arm, Bro!

"Yesss! Another new sucker, er, franchisee for 'Enormously Juicy Hugo's Smoothie Stand and Revolutionary HQ'!"

"OK, it's a deal: you shave your head and be Curly, and I'll lose the beard, get a soup-bowl haircut, and be Moe. We get Kim Jong-Il on board as Larry, and we're on our way to stardom!"

Did the Earth move for you, too?

Hand Solo meets Jabba the Nut.

"Help yourself to anything back stage, Leo, but remember; the wheelbarrow full of Moon-Pies is mine. Mine!"

"Jeez, Al, thanks for reminding me; I've got to call my agent about my follow up to 'Titanic': the remake of 'Hindenburg'.

"Help yourself to the buffet back stage, Leo, but easy on the three-bean salad; your carbon-credit account is too small to offset the greenhouse gases emitted. Otherwise, enjoy!"

Awwwww, Rosie, ain't she.......cute???

Kill Bill 3; The Early Years........

"I don't know what it means, Doctor; she says she's dressed for hunting hippos, and she keeps following me around the house. Can we move her therapy appointment up to tomorrow? Preferably after lunch?"

"Sho Ah popped the sucka; I wasn't getting my props in this jive-ass kindergarten class! Peace, out!!"

"Hi, I'm Sally Struthers. Just $2 will sponsor a young terrorist wannabe like young Viva here in her quest to impose Islam on the world. Won't you please, please help?"

BOIIII-I-I-I-I-NNGG!!

"Does this pole make me look fat?"

".......And I recommend drinking a lot of water while competing, to avoid dehydration. Not only for me, but for all of those guys with newspapers in their laps in the stands. HEAR ME, YOU PERVERTS? DON'T FORGET TO HYDRATE!"

"....And I find all this attention paid to my appearance unsettling. People stare at me at the tanning salon, the leg-waxing salon, the hair salon, the store where I have these little shorts custom-made; I just can't understand it."

"Attention! There will be a brief delay while we hose down the jump pit, and the jump judges."

Why We Fight Global Islamism, Reason #35215: This young lady having to pole-jump in a burkha.

Hip work on the skins, daddy-o!

"Oh, man, yew neva heard th' drum solo from 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida??' Goes lahk this!!!"

"Look, Ah just lahk to give people Ah lahk nicknames; If youall don't want to be called 'Uncle Tom-Tom', Ah'll jest think up another."

"....And when I say, 'beat out that rhythm on the head of a drum', you come in with 'Boom! Boom! Boomlay Boom!' Let's see if we can make Maya Anjolou's head explode."

".......And when I yell out 'Day-o!', you sing 'Daylight come and I wanna go home.' Let's see if we can make Harry Belafonte's head explode!!

"Look, nice work, but I have to warn you; our last drummer exploded."